Memorial Place: Beauty for Ashes

[Facebook Post from 11/1/16]: I know it is raining, but please bring flowers and food to the base of Bridal Veil Falls for the family of *KACHI CHEN, who will be arriving to that site around 5pm MST today.

Please share this all around UT County so we can fill that spot and comfort their hearts. Love, The Reas family, in conjunction with the Selnate family

[Blog post written Jan. 9, 2017:] Shortly after the GofundMe account was created for me, my family who was managing the account received questions about donating to Kedi's family. After consulting with Selnate and other sources familiar with Japanese and Chinese custom (since the Chen family is of Chinese origin, but lives in Japan), we were advised that it would be more appropriate to show respect by placing offerings--food, pictures, notes, flowers, etc.--at the place of death.

When I had gone to Bridal Veil Falls to watch the rescue team retrieve Brandon's body from the upper falls area, I had thought I would never return to that site.

For years, Brandon, the kids, and I had visited Bridal Veil Falls and surrounding areas for a number of fun family outings. We hiked, longboarded, kayaked--we even went bridge-jumping upstream a ways. But the day I sat at the foot of the fall and absorbed the reality of his death, the area itself had died. Everything was either grey or brown. The atmosphere was drizzly, dreary, and unforgiving. I honestly did not think I would be able to return. When I learned how much that site would mean to Kedi's family, however...Well, that is probably the only thing that could have ever motivated me to return. And I'm so glad it did. I am so glad I did. My brother gathered flowers and food, and my family (which, of course, includes both my immediate family and Brandon's) made our way to the falls. It had been two days since we learned of Brandon's death, and three since we learned of Kedi's. We reverently, solemnly traversed the muddy path around a pond at the base of the falls and began building the memorial place. We placed drawings my kids had made for Kedi and for their dad. I placed various thank you notes, expressing to Kedi things I appreciated about him and the time he spent with us. This time was sacred to all involved.

I had gone alone to the center of the water's path to place flowers, and when I turned to rejoin my family near the main place of offerings, I saw a line of beloved, familiar faces making their way to the falls.

They had flowers and food in their hands, tears in their eyes, and kind words of love and support on their lips. One after another came to offer respects and then we would hug and just cry. You never realize how utterly lame and useless words are until something like this happens in your life.

I am happy to report that Kedi's family did see this tribute to their son, and I am told they were very touched by it. I am also happy (and at peace and grateful and relieved) to report that through this act of remembrance--by paying respects at the place of death, as is customary in Japanese culture--Bridal Veil Falls, in a sense, was resurrected for me. As a community, as friends, family, neighbors, even strangers, we made the site beautiful again. In a literal sense, we gave it flowers and color and new life. It regained its beauty and, for me, its potential to continue to be a blessed, enjoyable, and singularly special place for my family. It has changed, yes. But not necessarily for the worse. I may even venture to say, for the better. Because now, for me, it is not just a fun retreat for the weekend (though I think it can still be that). For me, it is now a hallowed, sacred place. A place I feel some ownership of, in a way. My family will forever be connected to it.

Brandon's final views were from the falls' peaks. And Kedi (who had expressed that hiking and seeing Utah's natural beauty was one of the primary activities he wanted to do during his time here) will always possess some part of this landscape too. They both paid a price, and maybe that's why I believe that in a way, that waterfall now belongs to them, and by association, to the Chen and Reas families.

. . .

In my home, I have a picture with a caption taken from the book of Isaiah:

"Beauty for ashes."

In the creation of this memorial place, I learned that what turns bleak can become beautiful again, what's dreary can receive color, and what seems dead and hopeless to offer happiness again can actually flow with new life. From ashes, beauty can arise.

*"Kachi" and "Kedi" are both acceptable transcriptions of the name of the sweet, smart, spirited middle-school-aged foreign exchange student that joined our family Oct. 28, 2016, and then departed this mortal world with my husband on Oct. 29.