Meetings and Partings: "Daddy!"

I’m sitting alone at home, when I hear a knock on the door. Not my door, fortunately. I'm not in the mood to stand. Just lazy and cold, really. :) So I passively sit, checking my emails and furthering some life planning (a regular activity for me, ever since Brandon died). I hear the creak of the neighbor's door opening, and then I hear the exuberant cry: “Daddy!!!”

Oh my.

Typing it out makes me cry even more than word did.

There are just few images as purely joyful as seeing a child run into the arms of a loving parent. Such trust, confidence, bliss. There is nothing else in the world for that child in that moment, but her or his parent. And for one moment, there is nothing else in the world that exists outside of that loving embrace.

Whenever Brandon would come home to the kids, it was the same in our doorway. And whenever he’d leave, too. After morning prayers and hugs, the kids would always insist on running out of the front door after Dad and yelling, “Tell me if you need me! Tell me if you need anything! I love you! Bye!” Really, those were the four statements. Every single day. My kids were religious about it (and would get quite upset if they somehow missed the opportunity). The words were less intelligible when my oldest was younger, but they were always the same.

And then he would come home, and we would all just be so happy to be together.

Greetings and departures. Hellos and goodbyes. You experience them every day, but sometimes they are more profound than others. I am so very very grateful that our mortal family exchanges were so frequently positive. With Brandon gone...—wait. Before I finish that thought, here’s one: This morning, I was crying because I saw a picture of our whole family together a year or two ago that I just love, and my almost-3-yr-old son put his tiny hand on my face and said, “It’s ok mommy. Daddy will come back.” Oh my sweet children! But yes, the other thought: with Brandon gone, I try to keep up our family tradition of loving communication, and the kids do too. But there are some things I just don’t know if we’ll ever have again in this life. Right now, I am most sad about the fact that I won’t hear my children open the door and run to Brandon, cheering, “Daddy! Daddy!” Realizing that just now was very painful.

How grateful I am, though, that when the kids get home in a few moments, their voices will be in my direction and my eternal blessing is to hear them call me, “Mommy! Mommy!” and run into my arms. I will hug them for their daddy too, for now.